It is with great sorrow that we announce the passing of a great jack rabbit and daring pilot of the sagebrush playa, Lieutenant Black-Tailed Bunny, aka “Jack” Bunny. He was an inspiration to many young jack rabbits who desired to earn their “legs” evading Ki Yi Coyote and his motley crew.
Lt. Bunny was demonstrating his “kamikaze” technique crossing the pathway of the “Bright Eyes” when he grossly misjudged the speed of his nemesis. It is theorized that “Jack” was just getting too old to make the last-second decision to race the “Bright Eyes” on a dark and lonely dirt track. Witnesses claim he was practicing the evasion maneuver by running to one side of the road before turning and recrossing the track once more, while staying ahead of the flattening rubber rounds. Other witnesses claim the “Bright Eyes” accelerated at the last moment. Whatever the case may be, everyone agreed there was a great THUD and Lt. “Jack” Bunny was no more.
The lieutenant had six mates during his lifespan and 96 leverets. It is unknown how many great- and great-great and great-great-great leverets he had. Two of his mates died prior to him: Mavis, who was blind-sided by a large rattlesnake named Jake the Terrible; and Annabelle, who sacrificed herself to a pack of marauding coyotes in order to save her leverets. Lt. Bunny had sworn himself to revenge their deaths.
Lt. “Jack” Bunny was neither a bunny nor a rabbit. He was a Hare, and was quite proud of his heritage. He joined the High Desert Hare Highway Patrol when he was four seasons old because he wanted to “make a difference for all vegetarians”. He will be greatly missed.
Funeral services will be closed casket (Alfred and Tennyson, Turkey Vulture Mortuary) have advised us that it is best for the family to not see what they have done with the remains.
The family asks that in lieu of cards and flowers, that you set spikes and barbed wire down on the paths of the “Bright Eyes”.